this whole week has been awesome. 3 clubbing nights over 6 days. wooooo!!! fucking sleepless man.

butter factory on tuesday.
butter factory on wednesday.
zoukout of saturday.

simply awesome. so in a clubbing mood right now..

WOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just had to let that bit out..havent blog for quite some time..since the "pledge". and i must say that pledge is doing good. im keeping up to what i promised myself.

tuesday night butter fact was actually Hwa Chong Post Prom..lol. i know what is a 20year old doing there.. well..i got invited so im definitely ON about anything nowadays. and it was awesome. HC girls kinda quite hot. that enough kept the energy up. and it was kinda the post prom we guys never had. back track two years, my post prom never turned out like i planned. the clique separated, people got drunk, people were doing different things. it was just not a memorable post prom. aside from maybe one memorable moment, it was not the post prom i'd wanted. but this one made up for it. everyone was together. everyone dancing. having fun. and after all the dancing..we went to eat. hang. chat. and cab back. im a simple person. and well, i enjoy just the company of friends, the closeness you feel. and well, i got that. it was fun.

wed night was ladies night . super packed. but who wouldnt expect it to be. awesome music. making butter factory a favorite now. beats rebel...LOL.

dont get me started on zoukout. fucking fucking awesome. aside from the delay and scare because some idiot almost ditched the ticket i bought and i had to frantically search for replacement, it was awesome. super music. hot girls. tiesto and guetta were just fucking awesome. even the super packed crowd and everyone shifting thru u now and then could not eradicate the level of high everyone was at. just simply awesome.

and this is only the first week of december. im gonna rock it!!!!!!

OMG AWESOME FIRE CALL.

toa payoh had a fire. check it out. ST pg A18. fucking awesome. one dead,  a few slightly serious, rest minor.

the situation was chaotic. with the public being the bitches they are, all panicky and unreasonable. LIVES are of course the upmost important things but they could ask for their personal belongings to be taken care of. a woman asked for her bicycle. another her inhaler. PLEASE PEOPLE! we dont fucking need this things. that block was a old folks block. means alot alot of old people who were disabled in some way. so alot of manpower was used to carry them out of their homes. good to see some public helping. respect.

but there comes a time..when TOO MUCH help is no good. like people too obsessed to help, they actually become a hindrance. we are professionals, ultimately, you have to listen to our directions. not make your own. we set them straight nevertheless. 

the whole situation was just awesome.

but the real heroes, were the ones fighting that fire.

our bishan stn FIREFIGHTERS!!!

it was rota 1 that night. most of my closer station friends were all in there fighting the fire. omg. it was awesome. im so fucking proud of them that i swear, i turned a little gay and turned on by the sweat aftermath of their gear. them carrying hoses. even their voices over the radio with their breathing apparatus was like sweet serenade. HAHAHA. they were just that awesome. it was in that moment, i regretted my medic job. how i wish i dawned the bunker gear and BA set, with a hose or jet in my hand, being right face to face, with a fucking hot blazing flame with smoke all around you. nothing in your mind, but the fire, your men and the victims. your fast panting overcomed by the adrenaline rush you get to accomplish your task. that's the life. NO FUCKING NS VOCATION BOASTS A TOUGHER REQUIREMENT AND SATISFACTION. nothing. the immense heat and weight of equipment, not to mention responsibility, is what make a FIREFIGHTER the most respected job in the world. i wanted to be them. i was immensely touched when offduty firemen were there to "substiture" the already drained firemen. with just shorts and tshirt, they exchanged leggings and dawned the suit and went into the fire. im like close to tears now. thats courage. real courage under fire. FUCK. fighting fire is no easy task. different fires call for different methods of firefighting. and if you know the layout of that block, it was so cramped, the smoke had no way to escape..so the whole area was in dense black smoke. my friends told me after, they couldnt see SHIT. it was smoke everyfuckingwhere. awesome. i wish i was there. breaking down doors. firing hoses. braving thru smoke and flames. yes yes, my job is good too. but the physical intensity can never compare to that of the firemen. the elites. respect.

i got to see the charred remains of the dead guy in the flat. still going under investigations. i wont say much out of respect. but ill just say, it was pretty awesome. both smell and sight. we were brought in the flat by zul, snucked in by the back..hahaha..francine was fucking scared. held my hand so hard..it almost came out. it was fucking dark. the whole place blacked out. with just zul..leading the way with a torchlight..and there it was the body. awesome!

went home late that day. way late. about close to midnight. helping our friends clean up. and shared in the celebrations of a job well done.

and as always, i fucking love my job.

im feeling horrible. absolutely sick to the core. i never thought i'd ever feel like this. i usually care about my patients but not to this extent. im really so fucking sad about the whole situation.

i attended a call just now at about 730pm. reached there. patient was breathless. whats new eh? gave him oxygen. also found that he had incontinence. which meant, he shat himself. his wife was cleaning up for him. we checked his heart with ecg. did all the routine stuff. he was quite restless. his skin was cold and calmy. all signs of this being quite critical. so we intend to rush him to the hospital. his wife insisted on cleaning him up but i told her in malay, there was no need to and that the hospital would clean for you. now, its more important to bring him to the hospital. it was quite amazing how my malay flowed out so easily in these kind of situations. so we carried him over and we brought him to the ambulance. at this point, he was absolutely conscious and alert. he even threw back the oxygen mask we gave him. but i made him wear it. i even kinda shouted at him, asking him, this is good for you. you breathless..you need this to make it better. i reassured him. everything in the tender loving care handbook. i assesed him again in the ambulance. asking him to show me the pain. he could still respond to me as he pointed at his chest.

just a few moments later, his face just changed. he started becoming really sleepy. he didnt respond to me anymore. i asked him to tell me his name. he went argh. i kept asking him again. i asked this to check his level of consciousness. and it was fading really fast. and then, he just completely did not respond. i lay him down from his sitting position. checked his pulse. fuck it wasnt there. straightaway did CPR. ben handed me the airway guerdal. i inserted it in successfully. CPR CPR. i was really calm then. i even laughed at ben while he was thrown about by the fast moving ambulance and even broke the chair's arm rest. but i maintained and focus on my job. i placed defib pads. gave him O2. everything that needed to be done was done. i deem him as a FRESH COLLASPE. and the thing about fresh means survival rate woiuld be really really high.

we reached the hospital. the doctors continued CPR and attempting to resuscitate him. i stayed back to continue CPR. i was hopeful he was gonna be fine.

30 mins later, doctors pronounced him dead.

i couldnt believe it. i was so sure he was gonna be fine. i saw him alive. i interacted with him. he even threw the mask back at me. how did he go so easily.

i feel terrible. so puzzled at how easy he went. and i imagined the bomb of emotions in store for the family who probably had not expected his death. he wasnt that old. like 60 plus. only had diabetes. no major illness. so how..i felt terrible. i know we all did our best. but you cant help it but wonder why. the stark difference in his state 30mins beforehand and after. pretty much alive to dead. my deepeest condolonces to the family. i cant bear to know how'd they react. it just shows how easily life is taken. when its time to go..its really time. i feel terrible. puzzled. sad. ive seen patients pass infront of me..but none this personal.

no one can really be blamed. nor is it anyone's fault. but it just bugs you he passed.

i had to blog this. i was exploding. i needed to release the tension. id like to thank my mum too. of all days to make my favourite salmon and chicken rendang, it was when im in a sour mood like this. it really cheered me up. made me feel better. thanks ma.

i really hope the family's okay with the loss. we tried. we did the best job we could. i doubt it'll be easy for them.

just complete 2 days of useless IRC ESTAB. its like a prequel to what you are gonna do for reservice after you ORD. god its slack. i mean teaching us what we already know. furthermore there isnt anyone to bring us around. so what supposed to be a grueling session of learning and training, just turned out to be a talk cock catch up session with old medic buddies from other stations. sharing stories of our insanely interesting stories. laughing so hard about the funny patients and going OMG by the really serious rabak ones. i guess this is the difference between SAF and SCDF. i mean when u hang with my army friends, they talk about all the mc playing and the officer fuckings. how they play attn c and offs till they get the whole month off and such, never ever got to me. i kinda dont understand. kinda boring if you ask me. but well, this is how scdf roll i guess. all the interesting real life calls. yes we are definitely more slack than the other 2 uniform groups but we kinda do meaningful stuff. which im insanely proud of. saving lives essentially is fucking cool. police also. but when you learn abou the paper work they go thru, it just kills the whole thing. it just goes without a single doubt that station medics trump all other NS vocations. its hugely slack. 2 day 2 off. hardly get disturbed by officers. even if you get disturbed, its isnt as bad, by comparison. saving lives. a different experience everyday. the regulars are friends rather than authority in most situations. freedom. and really, its just saving lives. i know im boasting here but hey, i will always emphasise this..MY BLOG!

hmm..maybe thats why i have so few readers. i really really wanna know who out there reads my blog. (other than me of course) HAHAHAHA.

one thing i feel guilty about during this whole 2 days is that us station medics always make fun of the medic instructors. yes, we are skilled in all the medical procedures and equipment and have used them in countless REAL life situations. but that doesnt give us the right to like tease and make fun of the instructors. they are just there to teach us. i mean they were assigned to teach us what we already know. but instead we are like, u wanna teach us? how bout we teach you! it was really mean. and in the end, they conceded that we are better and chose to instead listen to our stories cuz life as an instructor isnt really that great. but i felt it was still basic respect to at least respect that although we were better, we give them the respect that they are trying to do their job. besides, its really hurting. not to mention funny, that some of the ways they are teaching, though by the book, is really impractical in real life. and us, station medics, have already perfected the methods by using quicker short cut versions. for eg, priming IV. i, or we, could do the super fast method though they were teaching the slow method. but well, in station life, speed is of the essence and well, doing it in a moving vehicle is never the same than in the comfort of a classroom. so i felt pretty bad that my friends were making fun of them. lol.

talking about this line of respect thing, i have something to point out.

you fucking doctors out there..PLEASE FUCKING HUMBLE UP!

yes i know you are the elite professionals when it comes to medicine. you go thru 5 years of rigorous and intense study while paramedics go thru 2 years and medics just 2 months.

but that doesnt give you the bloody fucking right to undermine our authority. at the scene of, eg a accident, the power and control of the situation still goes to the paramedic and his/her crew. not you fucking doctors. you are essentially passer-bys rendering help. yes we do appreciate your expertise. the ability to diagnose with further accuracy and depth. BUT, you are not trained to stabilize and extricate the patient. you do NOT have the power and control to command us. or worst, demand that we provide you with OUR medical equipment. or dictate how procedures and operations are supposed to be carried out. NO FUCKING NO. you may help but how we do our job is how we do our fucking job. you dont use your magical IM A DOCTOR phrase and expect the highest respect and authority to be given to you. as said earlier, i do respect your knowledge and expertise but we paramedics have our own set of procedures and protocols for such cases. not to mention, huge experience on such situations. so respect our job even though we are paid much less and know less. but by situation, we trump all your knowledge. emergency medicine is way different from hospital care. so either fuck off or submit to the paramedic's authority of the situation. i want to make it clear that we are not asking you not to help, but to help and follow instructions by the paramedics. you are still essentially first responders because you were there to witness the incident happen and render the first care to the patients but when the paramedics arrive, you hand over to the paramedics what you've done and what you think is wrong. the paramedic will appreciate and with his/her judgement, will carry out the necessary steps. thats the right way. but no, some doctors just have to act big shots on the scene. with that, dont get me started on the incompetency of some doctors. for now, i give you the respect and benefit that you are a capable doctors but you still have to give us the benefit that we are the authority on the scene. not fucking doctors. period.

okay. i am in disbelief. i havent played soccer in a very long while. and i am appalled by the players i played against. they are one of the worst. i am not talking about skill. they are decent players. they are adults. they would have had SUFFICIENT experience and knowledge of the sport. well that's what most would think. that's what i thought. 

so begins the story...

we played at ecp Cage. was invited by ken to play with his friends, which was later known that they were just acquaintances except for one. so we played. just 2 minutes into the game, ken did a slide tackle on the opponent player. looked to me to be perfectly fair considering he got the ball before falling the player.ken had already picked himself up and walked away, not thinking that it was much of a big deal anyway.  may i remind that we are all just acquaintances and it has only been 2 minutes, no form of rough play was done. just a few simple passes and pressuring. no taunts. nothing. and then this happened. (not the exact words but the sentiments are well expressed) " what are you doing? sliding tackles are not allowed!!! what kind of player are you? " this was said by a friend of theirs not in play but on the sidelines. the player, ken slid, was now standing up and requesting to substituted. then the sideline player went on demanding an apology, screaming "what kind of a player are you?!" ken was kinda puzzled by all this. i was thoroughly amused. not only, was sliding tackles banned which is absurd. but demanding an apology? for goodness sakes, we are guys. apologies are silent and needless. we play on. we get them back by goals. not empty apologies. but that guy still demanded. i couldnt stand it cuz i wanted to carry on with the game so i just went up there and said sorry on behalf and said we meant no malice. its barely 2 minutes, why would we hate you and do such things. its an honest mistake. but he still demanded a full on apology. not only that..when i came closer, i realised the person who was slid, was sitting down on the bench, ( im hesitating on whether to write which action first to deliver more impact to you, here goes..) the guy was CRYING, tears and all, while pasting PLASTER on the two cuts produced by the slide tackle. mind you, they were small cuts, believe me i know. medic hello. plaster? seriously? what are you, 10? and crying??? god..wth. my anger dissolved into absolute self humor. and he was saying (i swear there was sobbing) this is a game of leisure. no need for such rough play. now you ruined my whole morning. puh-lease, 2 cuts and you cant play. i have sprained my ankle and still continued though stopping later cuz it was unbearable. rammed in the balls and still laughed. we carried on with the match. so much for advocating fair play, cuz right after, ken, took a shot at goal but my head was inbetween the target and him. yes, the ball hit me right at the back of my head. pause, for those who dont know who's ken, he's ex sajc rugby captain and i believe he took the Conversion kicks for the team. u know those, really long field kicks. yea. so you know how powerful his shots are. totallly dazed, there was only one thing i heard, the guy at the sidelines shouting PLAY. OMG. wtf? i mean, at least stop awhile to get my senses back and pick up my specs which fell off. i was in disbelief. hypocrisy at its best. of course, we did continue, no point stopping cuz the pain faded away, replaced by a thumping headache. we won. though there was this one penalty, which was wtf. keeper was faiz. and the taker, was staring into his eyes with a madden rage. as if the penalty would decide the whole game. of course, he missed. his whole run up was wtf. i couldnt be bothered with my own penalty kick cuz i just felt winning the match is redundant considering the events that transpired.

onto the next match, played with another group of guys from the same friend group. they too were wary of our apparent "rough play". just minutes into the match, they delivered the first blood. gabriel was dribbling and being chased by the opponent a few steps behind him. knowing he couldnt catch up, he...pushed him with both hands. that is not a foul? that is not rough play? omg. was i the only one with my teammates who saw hypocrisy happening right infront of us. not to mention the length of sarcasm when he walked up to gabriel and shaked his hand, only to do the same later on in the match. 50:50 ball. gabriel and him went for it. gabriel lunged. got it. but was stopped. why? cuz he went STUDS in? oh god..50:50 ball. besides, it wasnt studs in. AND this is not like an official match, all these small scuffles arent like major. happens all the time. and the guy was like hey cmon whats this? we tryna play a fair game here. the irony!!! then towards the end of the match, clock ticking down, that same guy faked trying to pick up the ball. trying to fool us that the match is over. never fooled anyone but..the whole act proved something. this was not a leisure match to them. they wanted to win. funny though, cuz we won.

we left after another match with them, we played at another field with another group of players who were so much friendlier and quite comical.

but point being that, those players..were the most immature, hypocritical pussies ever. its appalling. downright appalling. it trumps every opponent ive played with that are that idiotic. they stare and laugh at the word hypocrite as they define a whole new meaning for the word. story doesnt end there.

CAGE, isnt cheap to play in. the fees we werent sure of since it was my first time and well, they invited us. so it was sensible that we payed. booking were by 2-hourly. i came to know thru them that the charges were, 170 for 2 hours. we played 1 hour of that 2 hours with them. there were a total of 3 teams including us. so ken asked them for how they wanted us to pay. this was their answer to ken. ( i was not there ). we are paying for one hour divided by 2 teams. that means, 170/2 = 85. 85/2=42.5. our team pays 42.50 hmmm...anyone find the weirdness? why divide 85 by 2 when there's 3 teams. i was not happy. not gonna be cheated by a bunch of shit-year olds who's just taking advantage of us and obviously trying to get back at us. so i offered to my friends to pay on behalf, i collected their money and walked to them. mind you, i was polite and professional in my tone. skills i have attained from being a medic in the public eye. so i gave them a $50 and asked, hey just so its clear, mind telling me how and what are you charging us? so its out in the open. he said the same thing as the above. then i said. ohh..okay..that's weird, why divided by 2 teams when there's 3. their answer...wait for it..ohh its easier that way. i was like..dude its simple math, im sure you can work it out. lets divide by 3 teams, and whatever we pay, u minus from the total and charge your friends. he couldnt possibly say no. its common logic. so now i told him, it'll be 170/2 = 85. 85/3 = 28.333. so it makes 28 bucks. he asked for 30. lol..okay..1,70 more, take it...so i got $20 change for my $50. walked up to my friends and gave them back the extra money they paid me since i have negotiated a new price. the supposed to be price from the start. my friends were wondering why im giving them extra money cuz they knew they paid exact. so i said, they sucked my dick. if you knew me, you know i cant stand being cheated of my money's worth if i could help it. not gonna be bullied by people who could because of our kindness and submissiveness. and although i knew, they were disappointed, they couldnt say a thing cuz i didnt raise my voice. i just used their own logic against them. hence, in other words, i make them suck my dick without asking them to. kinda felt gooood. yea yea..i know i saved us 12bucks which is 2 bucks each but..hey look at what we got in pride. and 2 bucks is like 2 100plus.

goodness..people these days. never going back there again. plus, ECP is fucking far. and the walking. and the price of drinks. and no food but fast food. and the heat. walking under it with tired legs. not worth it. guys, lets stick to our usual yishun, under john's house. no fuckers. great nasi lemak.

okay, writing this made me realise something. JEREMY. OMG. where is jeremy when you need him. im sensible and logical and though im angry, i just laugh at the situation. i dont try to worsen it. but jeremy..ohhh jeremy..he would have had a go at those guys. jeremy would not have stand at what they did. the immaturity. the boldness of their actions. JEEERREEEMMMYYY!!!! would have made that funny story, an even more interesting one.

apart from that, i had an interesting call last night. one of the best. a call that will be imprinted onto my memory for a long time. feel quite guilty, saying it here so im just gonna say it exists and thats all. hahaha. because its really embarrassing for the patient. i guess if it'd happen to me, i rather it not be publicized on the net. but i think that telling it as a funny story to people is fine. lol. its just really funny. that's one more interesting case that i can scratch off my list of interesting cases i want to have before i ORD. not that im hoping for them to happen, but im just letting fate and luck take me.

that whole "lemon" incident, it was some kind of special.

i dont normally do this. i really dont. i always think the best of people. but im being pushed. its one thing to be pushed by strangers or casual friends. but to be pushed by people whom you respect and obey, people whom you never give trouble to or at least try your best to. that's just something else. so i need an avenue to vent my frustration. i dont intend to hurt anyone. nobody reads this piece of crap blog anyway. im just really angry.

ive always been nice. i try to not fuck other people to prevent myself from getting fucked. its just counter-productive. i try my best to abstain from doing so. sometimes, however, inevitable. but still, i dont have the intention to. even if you fuck me up, i wont fuck you back. i dont fight fire with fire. i will admit though, i am tempted to but my self-will is strong and i hold myself back. so when i get scolded, i take the scolding even though it isnt my fault. i dont care cuz its no point proving them wrong. they wont listen. find an nsf like me will you? its rare. you see most of the nsf will shoot back at you. fuck you back the next time round. im just so tempted to just let myself do it. but i wont. its just sad that people still fuck you eitherway.

why dont we have a code? why dont we stand together and fall together? are we so individualistic? why cant we just help each other out? stand up for each other? take the responsibility if its ours to take? im appalled that this isnt true. my level of respect is of the highest degree for you all. but you bring it down so low. is there no such thing as a honest mistake? i would take the hit for you but none of you would take the hit for me? its not even a big hit. this is pathetic.

and after all the fucking thats been done, i choose not to fuck them back. amazing right? sigh...i hate to be angry at people who are not at fault but just messengers. its not your fault. and even those who wronged me. i just hate that you make me feel this way about you. just after i think so highly of you all.

this is just a bad way to blog. i had a whole list of things to blog today. HAPPY things.. just cant do it now.

wanted to talk about how i totally enjoyed How I Met Your Mother, season 1 today. and that alot of things Ted did was just so funny. how it reminded me of some stupid stuff i did. like how he's always laughed at by his friends. his really stupid choices. it was really funny. and now i cant laugh. fuck that. the whole story, i could somehow relate to. lol. it was really funny. i laughed out loud. even in the bus. i could write so much about it. i love this kind of shows. shows which showed a bit of a reflection of me. shows which i could relate to. i like talking about it. even if its to this blog.

i hate sulking on the internet. its not cool.

but im really sulking.

nothing's going my way. i really wish it would.

funny thing was that i was okay ytd. the im fucked up but hey im feeling alright kinda okay. now its, im fucked up and im feeling even more fucked up.

i wish the phone didnt ring.

i wanna wake up to a simpler time.

damn i sound retarded.





.

i know this is late. but..im so fucking pissed that singtel won the bid for EPL rights. fuck you singtel. now i cant watch it. what was wrong with starhub. u suck singtel. your miotv os horrendous. look at the amount of complaints. just give it back to starhub. give the UTILITY back to the customers. now i cant watch pool vs manu. and now that jere's in china, that means we lost our mio tv subscriber. fuck that. and with my other friends recovering from their hangovers, i doubt im gonna watch it. i mean..its in 10mins. damn..

just helped gab with his smu homework. lol. was really fun. was pretty tough to be honest. but it was a pleasant workout. nice to know my econs knowledge hasnt been wiped out by the redundancy of NS. then again..we medics gotta use our brains alot. my paramedic said this to me 2 days ago, which was quite funny. probably not funny if i write it out here. lol. but well, try to get my drift. we tended to a locked door case. old woman inside screaming. she fell down n couldnt get up. got the firefighters to break the gates and we could go in. the firefighters were all friends of mine. and they were EXTREMELY helpful. way too helpful. they were all taking turns showing their strength. which was kind of funny. cuz the woman was..BIG. so they all wanted to carry her. all wanting to show their physical capabilities. BUT..yup a big but..her doorway can barely fit her. so if u can imagine, u cant squeeze the patient with the firemen who wanted to carry her out. unless..u put one at the head and one at the legs. but that..would be terribly heavy. but u know, firemen being firemen, they did just that. DESPITE, my paramedic han nee suggesting we just lay her down on the canvas and slide her out. so minimal amount of effort is used. and no discomfort to the patient too. LOL. so she said..this just proves..firemen are just all brawn. lol. we, EAS have to use our brains. it was really funny. cuz her tone was so condescending. this is no offence to firefighters cuz they are damn good in their own right. just that in this case, exercising some wit would have saved a lot of energy.

last night was a real fuckn blast. celebrated cherie's belated bday. fucking awesome. started a little bad though with xiao shi and chelza pulling out last minute. which is bound to make me, the PLANNER, fucking pissed. and to make matters worst, half of the people were gonna be late. fuck that. lol. yes yes gab..this is probably some karma back at me. but everything fell in place nicely. went to 15mins. which is no longer a secret that i **** there. i kinda didnt want anyone to know. but well, the staff there gave it away, food was great. music was too. we threw a mini surprise for cherie with the singer singing happy bday which she didnt even realise that she was singing. and bought a make up cake from their deserts menu cuz shi kun couldnt even accomplish a simple task of buying one. lol. after that, went to sean's for some intense drinking session. within minutes, sean and wen ye were absolutely knocked out by thier 5/8 sec feat of drinking red label straightup. omg. if that wasnt entertaining enough, you should have seen what they became after. literal zombies uttering stories of heartbreak. it was real funny. but then again, i felt for wen ye. his predicament was a sad one. totally felt for him. thats why i kinda went to his side. it was really touching what he said. cuz it was really sad. well, thats heartbreak for you. there was a line i remembered "i still feel my hand holding hers " lol. omg. well..we all have our drunk emo moments that we will cherish though..not remembering most of it. the whole night was awesome. everything fell into place so nicely. really great fun which this clique hasnt seen for a while after a long spell of separation. and with talks of an overseas trip in november, you know even more amazing shit is in store for us.

JEREMY! lol. i dont think they ban LJ in china. i swear your sister is hilarious. on other matters, im sick..jeremy..im fucking sick. its incurable. like aids. its good to know you could tell even though you're in china.

and im gonna just go out and say this.

my twitter name..frappemyfaris...is sooo ingenius. its the best thing since justfaris.

ever seen movies where something special..some so fucking emotional moment was gonna happen..and then something random happens to spoil the moment..taking the moment away forever..because the whole chemistry of the moment was broken...well that's something that doesn't only happen in movies. and i can vouch for it.
okay i searched youtube for some evidence to give you a rough idea. of course this is quite extreme..i mean kissing and all. but this is sorta what im trying to get at. FATE IS A PLAYFUL SON OF A BITCH. DROPS SHIT ON YOU AT THE BEST OF TIMES.

the answer to "read between the lines" is...

nothing.

there's nothing in between the lines. hence the whole blog post is about nothing.

hahahaha. is just one of those days where u wanna blog but there's nothing real to blog about.

like today.

wish i could write something..

i couldnt wait to go home from work today to blog. lol. i just wanted to blog and make sure i'll never forget what happen last night. i guess words can never come close to describing how i felt. its like those stories where people will only understand if they were in that situation. and i guess only 3 others would know. because its not every other day, you bring someone back from the brink of death.

i'll try to keep out the personal information and only release the ones that arent that confidential and private. it is after all, my experience im blogging about and not information pertaining to others that would defame or whatever. i know my blog has few readers but i wont take the chance because there was a time where this blog had 50 hits. (scroll down...way way down )

Last night, i was like happily mingling with the dudes in station, laughing around like always. rota 1. my favorite fire rota. very funny and spontaneous. and in all that, the alarm sounded. ambulance call. i took the call chit. and it read, my passenger has fainted...im at the side of the road in a taxi. i was like okay? so i went for the call with nazim, fadhli and ben. ben being the new guy who im like mentoring. not my direct understudy but he was still my understudy nonetheless. we reach location in quick time because it wasnt that far. got out and went to the patient. she was slumped on the back seat. i was already running thru my mind the possible diagnosis. stroke? hypoglycemia? fainted? or the dreaded...collaspe? checked her pulse. none. everything else got ruled out, she collasped. collasped in medical terms btw means no pulse/breathing. in other word, dead. but not clinically. so she had a chance of survival. and we were that chance.

We carried her out. Lied her down. I had two things running in my mind, do the necessary things and make sure ben knew what to do. this is his first time getting such case. and i remember my first time, i had no clue. Nazim being Nazim, he will adhere to the protocols very strictly which is very very good. because its not easy to when you have so many things running thru your mind. and i knew what he wanted. so i got ben to prep the IV. while i did the adrenaline shots. fadhli did CPR and nazim prep-ed the LMA. ( IV - intravenous line and LMA - laryngeal airway, its some dildo like thing that goes into your mouth, beats doing mouth to mouth ) As a medic, my job was to always anticipate Nazim. what he was gonna do next so that i can provide him in an instant what he needs. Everything was done close to flawlessly. bam bam bam. LMA in. IV in. Adrenaline in. we shocked her twice. and then prepared to carry her off into the ambulance. this i must praise myself because i made it real smooth. prior to this, i had already set up and prepared everything to be ready to have a smooth loading. so we transfered her to the strecther and then to the ambulance. and we continued CPR. i got ben to do it since i wanted him to experience how to actually do it. because like sex, doing it on the dummy is never the same then doing it on a real person. i saw the nervousness in his face. i told him its okay, you're doing great. the up and down motion on the patient's is chest is something i know all too well now and it was time i let someone learn it so that when i ORD, i know he'll know what to do. We shocked her again. I made another adrenaline shot and gave to her. Then nazim looked at the heart monitor. a normal heart rhythm.WTF. the feeling when i saw it...nazim signalled me to check her pulse. i put my fingers on the side of her neck. and i felt the thumping. i told ben to feel it. to let him see the fruits of his labour. a job well done. her heart was beating again.

a brief moment of sunlight..as it turns out, a minute later, her rhythm changed back and her pulse gone. told ben to continue CPR. we were already reaching. our hopes were high. i made sure everything was ready to be loaded off. and when we reached, we did a smooth hand-over to the doctors. and they continued what we did. CPR and a couple of shocks. we left for the doctors to handle. we know we did our best. it was pretty flawless. everything done perfectly. something ben should be proud of because he received alot of flak earlier for being lazy. i saw it in his eyes..he knew how important this job is. this memory wont be fading for a long long time. we cleaned up the mess in the ambulance. alot of shit was used. did it quick and went back to check on the patient. from the doors of the resuscitation room, i heard the rhythmic beat of the heart monitor. which told me..she was alive and well. i went thru the curtains and the pleasant sight of the chest rises and falls was like a big pat on the bag. she was saved. the doctor came to me. and said, we are all surprised. Surprised? i wasnt. not when my whole crew did a fabulous job. and the doctor asked me for the full story of how we found the patient and so i told him. kudos to all. we did fantastic. nazim's a regular. he has what..12 years of experience? he probably saved many in his time. but for me, this is my second and it's no surprise my first was with nazim too. its not easy to save someone. many factors come in which play a role in survival rate and unfortunately, most of the factors is beyond our control. i lost 4 prior, most because the call was made too late to us. and time is always of the essence. ben, being new, all the could say was, "now i can go to heaven already" and he laughed with his snorty laughter.

and it dinged midnight. all the way back, we were jostling in a job well done.

For me, i felt totally overwhelmed. i have less than 6 months left. and this is gonna be a highlight in my time in NS. there's no words to describe the feeling when u bring someone back. so i doubt when i share this story, anyone could emphathize with me. and in that situation, when so many things are running thru your mind, you find the calm in the chaos to do what is needed. the sense of accomplishment in a life saved and a skill imparted to my understudy. these feelings, i'll cherish. feeling the return of pulse and losing it again and then gaining it back. her life granted back to her. you see God's work being done right infront of you. priceless. needless to say, i fucking love my job.

i really hope the patient's fine. i know she'll be. God be with her. I have no way now in finding her to like checkup. and even if i did, i wont. i mean we have to be professional and not make the job more personal than it already is. solace in the faith that she'll be fine.

okay im just halfway thru...been working working 3 days straight. now for another 3 days. and then saturday and sunday, my only rest days. but work was insanely fun.

sunday, i spent the whole day watching Spartacus. its this really gruesome series. alot of violence. alot of sex. but the story line is superb except for the poor ending. was a real letdown. but the girls were quite the beauty and watching with a horny paramedic just made it a complete meal. though disturbing at times..was a real peaceful day, not much calls. amazing sunday..at work.

monday, had a medical student posted for the day. he was a cool dude. very funny. nice to tease. he was nervous when he came to station so i made use of it. he was an RI kid, so we broke ice pretty fast cuz we were both boy's sch people. then i told him we r leaving for the firepost, if u wanna go toilet, u better go now cuz we arent going for the next 12 hours until shift ends. and he totally bought it!. he was like " OMG..i better go now then" HAHAHAHA. omg..i just fooled a doctor to be. im good. yea. hahahahahhaha. he was really funny. and we had a great time joking around during calls.

tuesday, another day at work. but it was awesome. watched prince of persia. and i loved it. reminds me of the game with all the stunts. andthe chemistry between the girl and the guy was...so..breathtaking. i fell in love with them. but im that sorta guy. wish i could go on a journey to save the world, fall in love then go on to save the world and get the girl. awesome. sigh..but life is never that adventure.

and now wednesday, going for promotion ceremony latr on and then my part time job at night. and same for tmrw. and work on friday night.